Bullies

[tater03]

Hi everyone. I have a seven year old son who is having trouble with another one of his classmates on the bus. This classmate of his always sits with him and bullies him. He has banged his head into the other seat, pulled his hair and the other day he came home with marker on his face. This child had drew on his face. I wouldn't call it exactly teasing. These two played together over the summer and do seem to be friends. I think that this classmate of his is not really doing this to be mean per se. It sound like it is more of a messing around type situation. But my son is getting tired of it. I called the bus garage and they said that they would make sure that this child does not sit in the same seat with my son. But I noticed that when he was dropped off yesterday they were in the same seat again. My husband has told my son to start defending himself. At first I didn't agree with this until we tried a few other things. When this first started I had him mention to the bus driver what was going on and then when that didn't work that is when I called and talked to the bus driver. Now it seems that is not going to work either. So now I am starting to agree with my husband. He should not have to sit and take this day in and day out. What do you guys suggest? Thanks

[triumph]

I hate to advise this, but it may be the only effective means of dealing with grade school bullies. The school can't do anything about it, ultimately, because they will never be involved until after the fact, and that will just make your son a bigger target for this child and potentially other bullies.

Almost all kids who bully others are extremely insecure and lack complete confidence in themselves. It is not because they think they are bigger and stronger than everyone else, they actually feel quite inadequate. However, if they can spot someone who they perceive won't fight back and will take their abuse it makes them feel more powerful and more in control.

The only way to do deal with it is for your child to fight back. Your son whips his butt one time and it is all over with, I know this from first hand as a child. In fact I can think of two circumstances where I was left with no option but to really just fight, and in both cases it was quite a dust up, and in both cases there was no bullying left to be done. A bully is not going to pick on someone who they are afraid will beat them up or fight back. Your son makes it clear he is not going to be submissive and just take it and it will stop.

Again, I am conflicted giving this advice, but I know in my heart it is the right way to resolve this problem.

[LightHeart]

I hate to advise this, but it may be the only effective means of dealing with grade school bullies. The school can't do anything about it, ultimately, because they will never be involved until after the fact, and that will just make your son a bigger target for this child and potentially other bullies.

Almost all kids who bully others are extremely insecure and lack complete confidence in themselves. It is not because they think they are bigger and stronger than everyone else, they actually feel quite inadequate. However, if they can spot someone who they perceive won't fight back and will take their abuse it makes them feel more powerful and more in control.

The only way to do deal with it is for your child to fight back. Your son whips his butt one time and it is all over with, I know this from first hand as a child. In fact I can think of two circumstances where I was left with no option but to really just fight, and in both cases it was quite a dust up, and in both cases there was no bullying left to be done. A bully is not going to pick on someone who they are afraid will beat them up or fight back. Your son makes it clear he is not going to be submissive and just take it and it will stop.

Again, I am conflicted giving this advice, but I know in my heart it is the right way to resolve this problem.
I hate to say this but I agree, I was bullied from the 4th grade until the 6th, always hiding in the bathroom during recess and lunch, looking for new ways to run home, (we were walkers) and then one Sunday while rollerskating at the school yard I got jumped again. Something went off in me and I slammed the roller skate up along side Donna's head. From that day on I was never bothered by anyone.

I don't condone violence, but this has to stop before it escalates out of control. This kid is more than just playing, he is acting out his aggression at your son's expense.

[ButtrflyDreams]

Hmmm...That's a tough situation. The best thing would be for him to sit somewhere else on the bus & ignore him...but if they're "friends" then I don't know.

[Fluffernutter]

You need to talk to the schools. Most schools are now supposed to have a "Zero Tolerance Bullying" program in place (better use of money than "Say No to Drugs" IMO.) But, often the bullying takes place on the bus, playground, Gym class (where usually the teachers are the ones who bullied people themselves so they "don't notice" and in the cafeteria.)

The principal AND the teacher should be spoken with. This boy is VIOLENT and it is not "just messing around" it's cruel and could turn into very serious behavior, both on the boy's part and children like your son getting emotionally and physically hurt.

The principal of our school will often ride the bus and keep order, if the bus driver refuses to, and eventually that driver will be taken aside and maybe lose his job, if it continues.

Bullying should NEVER be seen as "kids just being kids" it is mean, cruel and usually the most sensitive and least able to defend themselves children are the victims and the most "popular" and best able to hide their activities from the adults are the bullies.

Don't sit by and hope "it will get better" by itself. I know, it will ONLY get worse. Physically fighting back will ONLY get YOUR son in trouble (in our district physical fighting results in suspension, and eventually being sent to BD school, if it continues. When the bully usually gets off scott free, because the parents never complained.) Your child is YOUNG, he still needs the protection of his parents, he should NOT be expected to "handle it" or "suck it up" or "fight for your rights with your hands and fists." None of these teach your child anything but to either continue to be a victim or become a bully himself. Tell your husband to get his "fight" metality out of your home. There is NO place for it, in a Child's World.

STAND UP FOR YOUR CHILD. Talk to the pricipal and the teacher. Screw the bus company, in 10 years of dealing with schools and bus companies, I have found most bus companies are run by and hire mostly clueless people, and you will get nowhere with them. Go to the source, the school, who shouldn't be allowing this behavior in the first place.

Good luck to your child. He should not have to put up with cruel treatment by an other child, and being not paid attention to by the school OR his own father.

[palefrost]

I have a 8 year old girl and this is her first year on the school bus. I am getting her a m3player for christmas just for the school bus. She seems to love to tell the bus driver on everyone around her and she doesnt realize the problems she is causing by doing this. Im hoping this will keep her busy and stop her from being such a busy body to others. :(

I know how you feel though because you cant really protect them in school. Your at the mercy of the how well the other parents actually took care of their children. :(